Can You Really Be Friends With Your Ex? Science Says Yes — But It Depends Why

Growing up, my parents proved it’s possible — they were best friends before dating, married for seven years, and after their divorce, they went right back to being best friends again. But as I got older, the question “Can you actually stay friends with your ex?” became more complicated.

According to Rebecca Griffith, a psychology researcher at the University of Kansas, about 60% of people remain friends after a breakup. In her study involving over 800 participants, Griffith identified four main reasons people choose to stay connected with their exes:

1. Emotional Support

Some exes remain friends because they provide comfort, advice, and trust. These friendships tend to feel secure but don’t always last long-term.

2. Practical Reasons

Couples with shared responsibilities — like kids or finances — often stay friends out of necessity. These relationships were found to be the healthiest and most stable.

3. Kindness

Others stay friends simply to avoid hurting feelings, which also leads to more positive post-breakup bonds.

4. Lingering Feelings

Lastly, some remain friends because they’re still in love. These connections last longer but are often emotionally painful.

“The less emotional your reason, the more likely your friendship will thrive.”