In a bizarre twist befitting a French political soap opera, reports are swirling that Emmanuel Macron took a direct jab to the face — not from protesters or political rivals, but allegedly from his own wife, Brigitte Macron. That’s right: the man who governs a nuclear power got rocked in his own kitchen by someone old enough to have graded his high school essays.

Rumor has it the domestic squabble began when Macron refused to finish his vegetables — a dangerous game when your spouse remembers the Cold War. Brigitte, who’s practically a vintage wine bottle with a temper, allegedly let loose the fury of a woman who’s been correcting his grammar since puberty. One can only imagine the scene: Versailles-style décor, Macron weeping softly, and Brigitte delivering uppercuts like she’s auditioning for a Rocky reboot.

Of course, the Élysée Palace denies everything, but it’s hard to ignore Macron showing up to meetings with what looked suspiciously like a foundation-covered shiner. Maybe it’s just “freedom bruises” — a new fashion statement for 2025.

This incident raises pressing questions: Is it still domestic abuse if the age gap qualifies it as elder care? And how exactly does one assert dominance when your wife both raised you and rearranged your jaw?

Say what you want about Macron’s policies — but at least now we know: the man can really take a punch.

‼️🇫🇷 Here’s a higher-quality version of today’s most viral video. Enjoy! #Macron pic.twitter.com/aGkx0nXzKe

— Maimunka News (@MaimunkaNews) May 26, 2025